The shock

So... As promised the tattoo shop's owner called me on saturday.

Unfortunately they decided to choose another person for the apprenticeship ;_;

We were on our way to my boyfriends birthday party saturday evening when my mobile started ringing. And instead of being happy and looking forward to the party the call left me totally devastated and crying. I didn't want to, but my body had its own plan. I put so much effort in getting the apprenticeship and now I have nothing. Well it isn't the only tattoo shop in the world but it is not that easy to get an apprenticeship in this genre.

I wouldn't have been so devastated if the reason they rejected me wouldn't have been so strange though. The boss told me I am not able to express myself correctly. I would always beat around the bush and would talk too complicated to get along with customers later because they would prefer simple and clear answers. For me it was a shock because I always had good marks in writing essays and doing presentations in school and the time I went to the university. Everybody around me says that I really am a person who can express herself adequate and always knows what to say. And suddenly this should be the reason why I wasn't picked?

Further they told me that the second reason was that they don't have the trust in my strength to manage the stressful job of being a tattooer. I could bite myself because of that for I told them that I had problems with depression because of the relationship of my mother and me back when I was a child. I just didn't want to lie about this any longer - and let's be realistic here : Almost every second person nowadays has such problems but doesn't want to talk about it in public or even with friends or family! What the tattoo shop owner didn't realise is what a fire burns within me when it comes to tattooing and art. I am able to forget everything around me when I'm creative and I am happy when I get ideas from customers that I can implement for them into a drawing or tattoo motive. But anyway, it is over now and I can only shake my head. The only thing they liked was my talent in drawing and they told me to try it again in other shops. 

Now I'm still left behind in my old situation in which I used to live for such a long time. But I will put myself together and go on. In March there will be the international tattoo convention in Frankfurt and I will attend there with a friend of mine. I'm going to take my portfolio and walk around showing what I'am capable of to some of the tattooers. Maybe I'll get another chance. Time will tell.

XoXo